Super Late Bachelor Post

Argh - friendies I'm so sorry about my absence. I have had 2 crazy busy (in a good way) Dizzle and full-time job work weeks (obvi if I can't take find time to post about The Bach.)

Anyhow, I'm going to write up a quick recap about what I can remember from The Women Tell All through After the Final Rose (I know this is so 2 days ago, but I wouldn't feel right about not wrapping up this magical season.)

Women Tell All

This was just good ol' tv. Starting off with the Bachelor reunion was just brilliant if you ask me. I mean, I seriously can't wait for that amazingness.

• Let's start with the Reunion segment.


• Erica that wears the crown? Yes. Thank you for being on this show. You could have your own show, so the Bachelor reunion is sure to be a hit. She looked a lot like Tisdale a few years ago in her Bach days...and she's a judge? Uhm, wow.


• Gwen - I loved her. She was so cute. Happy to see her.


• A personal side note...if I showed up to this reunion show and Graham wasn't a part of it...I'd leave immediately. For reals.


• Wes - Tool.


• Matt Grant - He's cute...I like his accent.


• Deanna - No. You're doing this? No.


• SHAYNE? REALLY? No.


• Juan - Creepy.


• Bettina - Loved her. I actually originally picked her as the winner of Brad's winnerless season. Actually, they all won because he didn't pick them.


• I thoroughly enjoyed the segment when they were handing out bags of food and Shayne was still dressed slutty.


• On to the "We Hate Rozlyn" segment.


• Ashleigh planned her fall. "Good thing he's a good catch." C'mon Chris Harrison. You are so much better than that.


• When the girls were talking about Tenley, I was laughing so hard. "She shits rainbows." "She floats on twinkle toes and dreams in cartoons." HAHA


• Michelle - The Bachelor is not the real way to find love. Oh, thanks for that wisdom. You still scare me, but Elizabeth shouldn't have been picking on you. Oh, and Ali...you're offended by the comment that the Bach isn't the real way to find love? I wonder why, oh, because they are paying you to be on the show. Annoying, be quiet.


• Out comes Rozlyn. I don't think I really need to speak on this subject. Everything was awesome...especially when Rozlyn admitted that the dude she isn't having an affair with (sure) has a wife (nice.)


• Uhm, yes I will watch the atrocity that is Jason and Molly's wedding. It's probably actually really pretty...and I have a girl crush on Melissa so I'm still pretty bitter.


• When Jake decides to come out and use the line "MY HEART WAS CRYING" to Ali. No. DOUBLE U TEE EFF. Never say that again.


• Jake said that he wanted to get to know Christina better...I think she was my least fav on the show...but I also think she kind of had low self-esteem so I shouldn't be such a b.


• Finally, I love Corrie because she farted.

FINALE

Alright. I was sitting at my desk at work during the entire 3 hours of the finale and After the Final Rose. This is going to be as short as the skirts I used to wear in college (seriously, what was I thinking?)

• Shocking that Jake's family loved Tenley.


• Shocking that Jake's family didn't like Tisdale (and then pretended to like her later.)


• Uhm, I could barely watch the last chance dates. When Tisdale wrote "I love you" in sand or mud or whatever dirt that was, yuck. I can't take stuff like that.


• Tenley looked beauiful when Jake rejected her. She was WAY to nice. I'm sitting at my desk with a few others I work with screaming "DOUCHEBAG" and "F U" at the tv, just because he was crying and pulling Mesnicks left and right. Eew.


• Tisdale's win? I really couldn't watch. I was photoshopping something for work on my computer and listening to the groans going on around me. I mean he proposed to her. At least they played OTWOL.


• After the Final Rose...Tenley again too nice and level-headed.


• More of me yelling "douche." One of my bosses suggested that the show needs someone like me to tell this dude how it really is. I wouldn't last past the first round.


• I find it hard to believe that Jake and Tisdale are still together. Honestly, they aren't, right?


• Best part? The show embracing OTWOL and bring Jeffrey Osborne onto the show. Thank you for that.


• Final thoughts? I don't have any. I don't like that Ali is the next Bach, but I will still watch. I don't have any feelings about Jake's decision because he's a turd and this show is fake anyway. Again, I will still be watching and writing when the Bachelorette starts.

Your opinions, please?

♥

Mandi

Let's kiss in the ocean, shall we?

Bachies...this week was all about the infamous "run and jump" and gratuitous makeout sessions in the ocean on the tropical island date...this one happened in St. Lucia. Also, poorly staged shots of a heartbroken Ali sitting on some random rooftop in her Chuck T's (nothin' wrong with those.)

On to the one-night-stands (maybe it's wrong for me to assume that, but yeah.)

Gia:

• How many times can he say he doesn’t like her for how she looks...but never stops telling her she is drop dead gorgeous, sexy, etc. 1,000 times? "When you stepped out of the limo, I thought you looked great, you looked amazing."


• Take the "Hey, I went on a beach vacay" necklace off. It’s really nice that you bought it from that guy, but you can take it off now.


• Bathtub scene - "I’m kissing this wildly gorgeous girl … that has everything in the world going for her." Again with the who "looks that he doesn't care about since he likes everything else about her more" bit.


• My life with her starts flashing before my eyes. Or the next 4 minutes when things get too hot for tv.

Tenley:

• Not really fair to place the almost virgin after Gia. Tenley is so pretty.


• "Can you believe we’re here?" That’s his opening line with both girls so far.


• Most annoying point of the show...he shows Tenley his passion…flying...while someone else flies the helicopter Oh, that’s right. He’s a flight instructor.

• When Tenley asks Jake about how he will court her in the real world ("Will we have picnics, will we go to exotic places?") Jake answers with a "Yes, that's the great thing about the airline. One night we can say 'Let’s go to Cannes tomorrow morning.'" Yeah. Right. Go in the water and makeout or something.


• SIDE NOTE: GIVE ME THAT FILET O' FISH. GIVE ME THAT FISH!


• Did Jake seem drunk to anyone else?


• The date ends with Tenley accepting to stay with Jakers in the Fantasy Suite. I do believe that Tenley was a good girl.

Tisdale:

• Jump and run. Gross.


• "Ive never been in love before," says Tisdale...but...you've been married?


• Nothing of note to talk about at the pirate ship portion of the date, but there was a fun, playful version of OTWOL playing. That's notable.


• The microphones amplify the disgusting sounds of the kissing.


• Kissing in the ocean...shocking.


• Fantasy Suite...Here comes the lingerie. This turned in to Rock of Love real quick. Tisdale is too young to have seen season 1 when Trista did it with the dude on the overnight date and he picked the other chic.

Ali:

• Jake tells her she can't come back.


• She's probably going to be the next Bach.

The finale:

Jakers dumps Gia and we find out that "The Women Tell All" special will be airing next week. LOVE IT. They have been pretty good the last few times...or maybe that was "After the Final Rose." Anyway, I love when they catch up with the ex stars of the show, and I love even more that they are making a whole series about it.

Don't forget to watch Johnny Weir skate. Just for his antics, and he lost the fur.

♥

Mandi

Homey Hometownnns

Ok friends, so this Hometown recap is going to totally suck. My electricity went off and the cable box took forever to reset. I saw about 5 minutes of Gia’s Date, completely missed Tenley and most of Ali’s, and saw all of the Tisdale clan through the end of the show. Let’s get this shiz goin’.

Gia’s Hometown (the 5 minutes I saw):

• Family is very, very New York (shocker, since that’s where they live)...and do I really know what very New York is? No, I am from Southeastern Ohio. Ignore this bulletpoint.
• They seemed nice and protective.
• I still am thinking that she is a little too, I don’t know, hot for him? Not that he isn’t a cute guy, but it seems like maybe he’s not her type.

Tenley’s Hometown – I got nothin’.

Ali’s Hometown:

• I literally only saw 2 minutes of Ali’s hometown.
• I say this every Bach season, but nothing irks me quite like the run and jump when they see each other for the first time in a few days. UH-NOOOY-ING.
• I didn’t even get to see Ali’s family. I just know that I felt bad for her since that was the first time she’d been home since her Grandmother’s funeral, and her house reminded me of the house in Marley and Me (but let’s not talk about Marley and Me. Tears.) She also said the word "foiliage."

Tisdale’s Hometown:

• Another run and jump. Stop it.
• I didn’t know that Tisdale was from Florida, but her family totally fits in there (again, just talking about stuff I have no idea about).
• You can tell that she is totally spoiled by her Dad…but not overly-rich spoiled. Like, maybe her Dad spent every dime he ever had to give her what she wanted? I’m not trying to sound like a b here…and who knows how the Bach spin changes things, but that’s just the way it looked to me.
• Everyone's family is going to trust Jake because he is total cheese and some parents eat that up. I think my Mom would say “what a nice guy, but kind of nerdy” and my bro would say “what a douche.”

The Dramatic Last Hour

PART 1:

• The Scene: Jake is in his hotel room, gazing out the window.
  
  
• The Cleverly Inserted Voiceover: Jake ponders who he will eliminate at tonight’s rose ceremony (which is sure to be the most dramatic ever), all while happily chatting with himself about the four amazing women he has remaining.
  
  
• The Knock: Enter a very sad-faced looking Ali.
  
  
• The Conundrum: Ali must choose between her job and staying with Jake. (Hmm, this sounds strangely familiar and not the most dramatic at all. Remember one season ago when Ed left because of his job? Do these producers think the people who watch The Bach don’t also watch The Bachelorette?)
  
  
• The Scandal: Whilst (sorry, I’ve been watching way too many epi’s of The Tudors and have been kicking it old school with words like whilst and betrothed). Anyway, WHILST talking with Jake, Ali…PUTS.HER.LEGS.ON.JAKE’S.LAP. NOOOOOOOO! Hide your eyes, Gia. For the love, HIDE YOUR EYES!
  
  
• The Result: A very confused Ali leaves the room with no answers and is so distraught that she must collapse in the middle of the hotel hall and cry.
  
  
• The Text: My Mom texts me during this time with these exact words: “Stupid Ali. Ur on The Bach, don’t you think someone will hire u?” True that, Motha. Side Note: Apparently, Ali works for Facebook. You'd think The Bach would be right up FB's alley/Ali, haha. Sorry.
  

PART 2:

• The Dramatic Stroll: Jake and Chris Harrison walk to the infamous room filled with the framed photos. Jake thinks he has found love, but it’s not his decision tonight. One of the women will choose if they want to leave this incredible journey to go back to the real world and leave the pilot (er, Flight Instructor) lacking wings…wings of love.

• The Decision: Ali, again very sad-faced, enters the photo room crying like she is sitting in the hotel hallway or something. After going back and forth, she finally reaches a decision. She will return to work…(someone pointed out to me and I was thinking the same thing…fun to work with her that next Monday.)



• The Result: Ali gets in a limo and yells “What am I doing? Why am I leaving him?” Why do I have a funny feeling that you’ll pull another Ed and show up in Puerto Rico or whatever tropic region the other 4 are heading to next week? The previews show us that you call Jakers. Are the producers trying to pull one over on us? Uhm, I’m guessing yes.
  



• The Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony Ever: Not dramatic at all. No crying, no questioning, nothing. WTF.

Please fill me in on what I missed with the first 3 hometown dates.

♥

Mandi

The 100th Dizzle Post...this one's about The Bach

My 100th post, and how fitting…a session of Bitchy Bachelor Bullet Points.

This epi was pretty, pretty, pretty boring (in my best Larry David voice.) I will still talk about it of course.

The ladies and their pilot (flight instructing) prince are in San Fran – home of my friend, Jen. I’m glad she was not a part of this.

Tenley’s Date:

Jake – what the H is that turtleneck you are wearing? No.

“Tenley, I have a table for two set up on the roof.” Hey Jake, no you don’t. The writers or producers or someone that is not you set it up.

When asked by Jake what she would have changed in her marriage, Tenley answers that she would have jumped off the couch or run out of the kitchen to greet her ex-hubs. If that is all she did wrong, dude is a total a-hole (which he obviously was.) I would have so many more things to list than that…and I don’t even have an ex-husband.

Tenley then asks about the old “pilots are unfaithful” rumor. Jake says that the woman he marries will be the last one he looks at. Oh, that’s right…he’s not a pilot, he’s a flight instructor.

Jake wraps up the date with a super-iffy comment…"The kisses were magical.” Please don’t say that ever again. You’re not at Disney World.

The producers wrap up the date in the most awesome away possible... another super cool instrumental remix of OTWOL with lots of xylophone. Yeah, haven’t heard that word in a minute have ya?

Gia and Vienna's 2-on-1 Date:

Gia and Vienna learn that they will be going on the 2-on-1 date and a chest full of clothes shows up at the door. Tisdale says that “it was really sweet of him, it meant a lot.” Guess what…HE DIDN’T DO IT!

Jake is exactly the kind of guy I’ve been waiting to take home to my parents.” – Tisdale. Your parents like flight instructors, huh?

The girls show up to this 12th Century castle, and Jake is standing at the top of the stairs with the “Huh, how badass am I?” look. He even says “What do you think?” Again…IT’S.NOT.YOUR.CASTLE. Last time I checked, you weren’t faux flying 8 or 9 centuries ago…but what do I know? Maybe you’re a vamp. No, definitely not.

Before Gia and Jake began their gratuitous makeout session, Gia expressed how upset she was when one of the girls said that Jake let her put her legs on his lap. "I thought that was our thing. That really hurt me." Lame.

Most hilarious moment of the show: Tisdale scouring the castle with her lantern. Alas, she finally found Jake...and put her legs on his lap. EEK!

The date ends with Tisdale sneaking down to get in bed with Jake. He turned her away and that was that.

Corrie's Date:

BORING (and way too awkward to discuss), next. (I must admit, that I like that she is saving living with a bf and other things until marriage.)

Ali's Date:

• Ali has become a serious villain to me. When she was yelling at Tisdale saying "How do you know I was acting like that at the last rose ceremony because of you?" Uhh, because you obviously were! She doesn't like Tisdale because she was talking about the other girls. Isn't that what you're all doing? Aren't you contestants on a reality dating show?
• When Ali and Jake walked by that seagull with the crab...I would have freaked. I wouldn't have been able to concentrate on anything else. I know it's the circle of life, but poor crab.
• Ali and Jake did have a cute little date...but she was at a serious advantage. She lives in San Fran (or SF, as Jake apparently calls it.)
• Not a fan of the park scene. She was straddling him in a public place and eew with the tongues. Yuck!
• They ran into the water and the only thing I could think was "why ruin those cute boots?" and "DID YOU SEE THAT AWESOME DOG?"
• Before the rose ceremony, Tenley complains that when Jake says he's falling for all the girls, it breaks her heart. Sensitive and insecure as ever, Ali says "When I hear him say that, I think he's just talking to me." Really nice.

A few other random notes:

• Jake is obsessed with touching all of the jewelry the girls are wearing. Weird.
• Another comical production direction is the "Now, take each photo and stare intently while we waste time with a thoughtful voice over."
• Corrie got booted...shocker. They didn't like each other. She thinks it would have been different if he wasn't dating 4 other women. Yep, I think that's a given. I really like her pretty hair.
• Finally...HOMETOWN Dates next week. Love the Hometown Dates so much I'm capitalizing them like they are proper nouns. They are equivalent to the makeover episode on Top Model for me. Exciting.

Love y'alllllll.

♥

Mandi

P.S. HOW AM I SO BEHIND ON THIS? Check out Corrie's official blog here: http://ohsodandy.com/blog/

Pilots are apparently afraid of heights.

This is going to be short because I have been in bed all day (sore throat, achey, bleh) which affects my ability to think straight about issues as complex as The Bach.

Starting with Ashley Tisdale (Vienna)'s 1-on-1 date:

• Producers, please stop making these girls spend hours on their hair and then put them on the back of that bike forcing them to have helmet hair. Let's be honest, they ride about 15 feet down the road and hop into a limo or SUV which will ultimately take them to wherever they are going.


• A. Tisdale declares that she is in love with Jake before their date even begins. Right.


• The date starts out as a fun helicopter ride, but takes a bad turn. The copter lands near a super-high bridge which overlooks a stream full of rocks. Tisdale learns she will be bungee jumping from this bridge. F YOU, later. Seriously, no way.


• Jake soon admits "I'm terrified of heights." You're a pilot. He wasn't lying, though. I thought he was going to have a heart attack or start crying before they jumped (both of which I would have done.)


• ...but the jump happens, and is topped off with a Spiderman-esque upside down kiss. Jake mentioned that he'd never had a first kiss like this before. I'd surely hope not.


• After the date, Tisdale declares that she's on Cloud Jake. Lame. Even lamer: "Jake's my Prince Charming. He's it. He's the real thing. " LAMEST: "This has been the best time of my life so far. The best day of my life will be when I marry Jake."


• These chics really hate Vienna. They aren't showing why she is so deserving of the hatred, though.


• Ali is really starting to bug me with her know-it-all, but I'm so sweet, 'tude. She also felt betrayed that Jake was going on another solo date with Vienna. Guess she thought the show was over.

Michelle will now get her own set of bullet points:

• "I see myself as very attractive." - Michelle (We see you as psycho. Hopefully, the producers are just making you look that way).


• "Our first kiss will be different. Soft, passionate, crazy, rippin' the clothes off." - Michelle


• Did you catch the coconuts joke? About them being on her waiting for Jake? WTF.


• "I'm not over dramatic or emotional. I really, really want a husband." Yep, we got that...and you're only 25.


• After forcing herself onto Jake, she is upset that he didn't kiss her enough. Eventually she leaves before the rose ceremony and is quite upset because "everybody felt, certain people felt I was the girl." Sure they did.


• With Michelle's departure...there goes the entertainment...but, I'll still watch.

The rest of the comedy date:

• Stupid and boring.
• Girls being catty.
• More of Ali being a sweet know-it-all.
• Tenley is really pretty.

Ella's date:

• Not much to say outside of the fact that she wants she and Jake to be the next Trista and Ryan.
• Don't think I need to even comment any further on this. Or anything else for that matter.
  

♥

Mandi

I know they didn't just play "On the Wings of Love"...

Time for another edition of Mandi's Bitchy Bachelor Bulletpoints

• I'm going to start this off by saying 3 important words. Butt. Crack. Rose. Am I the only one who noticed this? Jake went to give the precious Rozlyn her group date rose and he stuck the rose right in his butt crack. Eew. There are too many easy jokes that I want to make...but I will spare you.
• The InStyle Photoshoot. Cute little segment. I felt bad for the Christina chic. You could tell that she felt super awkward, but, she really doesn't seem like that nice of a girl...or maybe she really was just uncomfortable.

• Jake "chose" to take Ali on the first alone date of the season. The magical producers played "On the Wings of Love," Ali cried, it was just beautiful. Not. She does seem like a genuine girl, though, so I'm glad she's happy. Do I think she should be crying and saying she wants to marry this dude after one date? Absolutely not.
• I love the makeshift headboards in the bachelorettes bedrooms. I love that fabric and almost bought it a few months ago. It's so pretty. Nobody has a clue what I'm talking about, so I will stop.
• Vienna looks like Ashley Tisdale.

{{Vienna on the left, Sharpay on the right}}

• Rozlyn looks IDENTICAL to Ella from Melrose Place.

{{Rozlyn on the left, Ella from Melrose on the right.}}

• What was that letter that Elizabeth wrote? Eek. She is being portrayed as a B now, too.

• Michelle? Crazy. For reals.
• My Mom called me after the show and said after she saw the preview, she thought that Rozlyn was having an affair with another girl in the house. I must admit that I first thought that as well. Would have made for much better tv and that poor guy could've kept his job. I'm hearing now that Rozlyn just wanted to see her kid and they wouldn't let her. No matter what, I blame the producers.
• Any new thoughts on who I think he will pick? I'm going to stick with my original three. I'm not feeling the girl named Ella on the show (not to be confused with Ella from Melrose Place lookalike, Rozlyn), but I think he likes her.

Alright done. Thoughts?

♥
Mandi