Tuesday, May 25, 2010

My Bitchy Bach Bullet Points...have returned. S6/E1

I haven't posted anything in 2 months. I have been busy for reals, but I won't stray any longer. I was going to post something last week...but I thought no grander entry than that of a Bachelorette post. So let's get it.

Strike One - No cheesy title. Let's not take ourselves too seriously, please. (Seriously, couldn’t stop singing On the Wings of Love to my dogs all night.)

Strike Two – If you’ve read my past Bach blogs…I’m obviously not the biggest fan of Ali (but I will admit, she is growing on me a little after this epi.) The fact that she is wearing Chucks in that photo is also helping.

Strike Three – There is no strike three. The Bachelor will have to do something pretty bad to strike out in my book.

Just a reminder – I do not read spoilers. If I did, I wouldn’t have nearly as much fun reporting the Bach nonsense.
…and it begins

• Good to see Ali is still sitting on rooftops in San Francisco…looking as insightful as ever.
• Things I didn’t really know about Ali: Impressive soccer skills (me=not too jealous. I lasted one week in this soccer class my school tried to make me take in college. Not happening). Very impressive abs (me = jealous. They showed her running…that must be it.)
Time to see what terrible antics the producers made these dudes pull out...
In order of appearance w/some first impressions:

1. Chris H./27/Vancouver - No real first impression. Seems pretty nice. Reminds me of Chris Evans!

2. Jesse/24/Peculiar, MO – He’s cute…she seems to like him.
3. Chris L./32/Cape Cod - He seems really nice.
4. Ty /31/ Nashville - Did he have that accent in the little pre-segment?
5. Frank /31/ Geneva, IL - He seems really funny to me. He will probably annoy some people, but I think he’s funny (so far)
6. Justin/26/Toronto - Sympathy vote with the crutches. She really likes him…he’s a professional wrestler. I didn’t like his Rated R personality in the pre-segment, but he seems more normal as Justin.
7. Jay/29/Rhode Island- How is he only a year older than me? He is much, much more mature than me.
8. Chris N./29/Orlando- Alert: FIrst cheesy tactic – pulling a rose out magically (the standing on the limo was cute to me).
9. Kasey/27/Clovis, CA – Seems like a really nice guy.
10. Kyle/26/Colorado - Nope. He hunts a lot. Not gonna work for me, maybe her…definitely not me. Did you see all of those poor creatures being displayed in his home?
11. Roberto/26/Charleston, SC - She looooves this dude. I can tell by the comments she is making, such as: "I love hugs” and “I’ll just call you cutie.” He does have a cute way about him. He is speaking Spanish with some sweet music in the back ground.
12. Craig M/34/Toronto - "I'm so happy you're not Vienna." Wow. Dude looks like the guy from Devil Wears Prada (or more currently The Mentalist.)
13. John N./27/Kansas – I didn’t write anything about him. I don’t think he made any real first impression on me.
14. Tyler V./VT - I think he is cute and seems nice. He made a comment that he is glad Ali is not flying around on Jake’s airplane. I think he messed up. It’s supposed to be not flying around on the airplane of the student who (or whom…I always messed this up). Jake is instructing.
15. John C./32/Washington – He’s the one that supplied the fake diamond ring. Ali looked mortified and pretty, pretty scared.. I was, too. Cheese ball.
16. Jonathan/30/Houston - The weatherman. This isn’t directly related to him, but I I feel bad that she has to give this many fake smiles. Sheesh.
17. Craig R./27/Philadelphia - I feel so old. I am older than a lawyer.
18. Steve/28/Cleveland – Dude is from Cleveland, so that’s cool. I know a few people that know him, and the consensus is he is a nice guy. Anyway - "Thanks for comin' out" kind of means he's getting sent home…maybe not.
19. Kirk /27/Milwaukee – Kirk thinks Ali deserves a rose…and he is going to make her one. Out of tissue paper. Too bad that dude like 10 guys ago gave her a realish rose. Sorry, bro.
20. Tyler M./25/Austin – Oh, Tyler M. Tyler really enjoyed the fact that Ali was wearing cowboy boots when she got out of the limo on Jake’s show…but she wasn’t wearing boots, and it was super awkward when she reminded us that she was never wearing cowboy boots. Ouch.
21. Hunter/28/San Antonio –Says he planned something humorous to say, but instead confssed that he had to pee. Wow.
22. Derek /28 /Warren, MI – Another gimmick. Derek told Ali he saw her hometown date when she spoke of catching a falling leaf and making a wish on it. So, he brought these huge leaves and through them in the air and she caught three of them, and her hair caught one. Fake laughing commenced.
23. Phil/ 30 /Chicago – I wrote nothing down about Phil when he came in. Oops.
24. Derrick/27/ San Diego – Derrick tells us that his nickname is Shooter and he will explain why later. This should be interesting.
25. Jason/27/Denver – Jason did a backflip off of the limo. That was a good gimmick to round out the 25 dudes.

On to the partayyyy…
• I wish they didn't have to wear suits. Girls in dresses look different. Boys in suits all look the same, just different heights.
• I would be super nervous…these dudes are staring at her like she is a Triple Big Mac with Bacon and they haven’t eaten in weeks.
• Frank grabs Ali for some alone time. He mentions that he quit his job and lived in Paris to write screenplays. Ali says Paris is amazing…but then tells us she has never been. Sure.
• Kirk decides to tell everyone that he made a scrapbook for Ali. Great idea. Wow, wow, wow. After giving it to her, he says “I feel really good, I really think she liked the scrapbook.” Wow.
• We then pan to Hunter, playing a ukulele. A personalized song. It wasn’t too bad, but I still am not a fan.
• Then the moment happens...we learn why Shooter is named Shooter. Fully equaling (if not surpassing) last season’s amazing landing strip comment in inappropriateness, this was not nearly as funny. I was actually embarrassed. Shooter, who seems quite proud of his name, informs us that he is named Shooter because in college, he “shot” prematurely with his you know what. I’m not making this up.
• I still can’t get over how much Craig M. looks like dude from Devil Wears Prada.
• She seems to really like Roberto.
• Craig R. brought the yellow Chuck key chains – cute gift, but stop trying to sell people out for no reason. The person that does that never gets picked in the end. The person they are trying to sell out always makes it really far (e.g.: Vienna, Wes).
• Roberto has just won the first impression rose. Shocking (not).
• The creepy box comes in where the guys have to choose a fellow suitor to be voted out. It’s much easier to conduct this process on the Bachelor…girls can sniff out who they don’t like in 2 seconds flat. Dudes aren’t like this…unless they are jealous or something. They all chose Justin, the pro-wrestler, to be voted off. I really don’t think he seems like such a bad guy (at least not with editing.) Maybe he will prove me wrong since Ali chose for him to stick around.
The Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony in Bachelorette History Commences:
Now – I wonder this every single year during the first rose ceremony. Do they have earpieces in when choosing 15? I mean…that’s a lot of names to remember of people you JUST met after a long night of drinking. I know the one Bach (DB Brad maybe?) messed up a few seasons ago and called the name of a girl he didn’t mean to keep…I would think that’d be a more common occurrence.

The 15 Chosen to stay (don’t forget that 2 others were already picked):
• Jesse - Not surprised.
• Ty - Not too surprised.
• Craig R. - Not surprised due to his gift.
• Tyler B. - Not surprised.
• Frank - Not surprised.
• Steve – Pretty surprised. They didn't show him at all...but, yay Cleveland!
• Chris L. - Not surprised
• Kirk - Not surprised...he made a scrapbook. She would look like a total B if she booted him after that.
• John C. - Surprised.
• Chris N. - Surprised.
• Chris H. - Not surprised
• Hunter - Surprised. He seems like kind of an a-hole.
• Craig M. - Not surprised. They probably made her keep him.
• Jonathon - Not surprised. Too much of a character to kick off.
• Kasey - Not surprised.

I wasn’t surprised that she didn’t keep whoever was booted. 17 dudes Is a lot to keep around. I would be terrible at this show.

My front-runners at this point:

...but I kind of think that one of them, maybe Justin or Jesse is the one that has a girlfriend at home. Again, I don't like to read Bach spoilers, so I don't know for sure.
We will see as we continue on this amazing journey.

Missed you lots!

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