Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Let's kiss in the ocean, shall we?

Bachies...this week was all about the infamous "run and jump" and gratuitous makeout sessions in the ocean on the tropical island date...this one happened in St. Lucia. Also, poorly staged shots of a heartbroken Ali sitting on some random rooftop in her Chuck T's (nothin' wrong with those.)

On to the one-night-stands (maybe it's wrong for me to assume that, but yeah.)


  • How many times can he say he doesn’t like her for how she looks...but never stops telling her she is drop dead gorgeous, sexy, etc. 1,000 times? "When you stepped out of the limo, I thought you looked great, you looked amazing."

  • Take the "Hey, I went on a beach vacay" necklace off. It’s really nice that you bought it from that guy, but you can take it off now.

  • Bathtub scene - "I’m kissing this wildly gorgeous girl … that has everything in the world going for her." Again with the who "looks that he doesn't care about since he likes everything else about her more" bit.

  • My life with her starts flashing before my eyes. Or the next 4 minutes when things get too hot for tv.


  • Not really fair to place the almost virgin after Gia. Tenley is so pretty.

  • "Can you believe we’re here?" That’s his opening line with both girls so far.

  • Most annoying point of the show...he shows Tenley his passion…flying...while someone else flies the helicopter Oh, that’s right. He’s a flight instructor.

  • When Tenley asks Jake about how he will court her in the real world ("Will we have picnics, will we go to exotic places?") Jake answers with a "Yes, that's the great thing about the airline. One night we can say 'Let’s go to Cannes tomorrow morning.'" Yeah. Right. Go in the water and makeout or something.


  • Did Jake seem drunk to anyone else?

  • The date ends with Tenley accepting to stay with Jakers in the Fantasy Suite. I do believe that Tenley was a good girl.


  • Jump and run. Gross.

  • "Ive never been in love before," says Tisdale...but...you've been married?

  • Nothing of note to talk about at the pirate ship portion of the date, but there was a fun, playful version of OTWOL playing. That's notable.

  • The microphones amplify the disgusting sounds of the kissing.

  • Kissing in the ocean...shocking.

  • Fantasy Suite...Here comes the lingerie. This turned in to Rock of Love real quick. Tisdale is too young to have seen season 1 when Trista did it with the dude on the overnight date and he picked the other chic.


  • Jake tells her she can't come back.

  • She's probably going to be the next Bach.

The finale:

Jakers dumps Gia and we find out that "The Women Tell All" special will be airing next week. LOVE IT. They have been pretty good the last few times...or maybe that was "After the Final Rose." Anyway, I love when they catch up with the ex stars of the show, and I love even more that they are making a whole series about it.

Don't forget to watch Johnny Weir skate. Just for his antics, and he lost the fur.


Sunday, February 14, 2010

Valentine's Day isn't so bad...

So many people talk about hating Valentine's Day. Yes, I'm a single gal this VDay, but so what? There is pink everywhere and flowers and chocolates are being given out all over. I definitely don't hate that.

Valentine's Day is a holiday about love, and I was surrounded by those that I love this weekend.

Below are a few pics of the the gorgeous tulips(they're my fav) my Mom and Dad sent me on Friday. They made me so happy.
Yesterday, my Mom, Grandma and nephew drove up to visit with me over the weekend. Spending time with them...to me...is a lot more fun and meaningful than waiting around in some crowded restaurant with some dude I barely know.
For those of you with a loved one who truly appreciates you, good for you. For those of you who are single like me, I hope you were able to talk with or spend the day with friends, family, or anyone that makes you feel special. Man, I am really deep today! :)
I hope everyone had a great day.
P.S. I'm sure I wouldn't be so "yay, Valentine's Day" if I hadn't been able to see my family. :)
Also, praying for the family of my Mother's dear friend Kathi, who passed away today. May they find peace in the memory of this lovely lady.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Homey Hometownnns

Ok friends, so this Hometown recap is going to totally suck. My electricity went off and the cable box took forever to reset. I saw about 5 minutes of Gia’s Date, completely missed Tenley and most of Ali’s, and saw all of the Tisdale clan through the end of the show. Let’s get this shiz goin’.

Gia’s Hometown (the 5 minutes I saw):

  • Family is very, very New York (shocker, since that’s where they live)...and do I really know what very New York is? No, I am from Southeastern Ohio. Ignore this bulletpoint.
  • They seemed nice and protective.
  • I still am thinking that she is a little too, I don’t know, hot for him? Not that he isn’t a cute guy, but it seems like maybe he’s not her type.

Tenley’s Hometown – I got nothin’.

Ali’s Hometown:

  • I literally only saw 2 minutes of Ali’s hometown.
  • I say this every Bach season, but nothing irks me quite like the run and jump when they see each other for the first time in a few days. UH-NOOOY-ING.
  • I didn’t even get to see Ali’s family. I just know that I felt bad for her since that was the first time she’d been home since her Grandmother’s funeral, and her house reminded me of the house in Marley and Me (but let’s not talk about Marley and Me. Tears.) She also said the word "foiliage."

Tisdale’s Hometown:

  • Another run and jump. Stop it.
  • I didn’t know that Tisdale was from Florida, but her family totally fits in there (again, just talking about stuff I have no idea about).
  • You can tell that she is totally spoiled by her Dad…but not overly-rich spoiled. Like, maybe her Dad spent every dime he ever had to give her what she wanted? I’m not trying to sound like a b here…and who knows how the Bach spin changes things, but that’s just the way it looked to me.
  • Everyone's family is going to trust Jake because he is total cheese and some parents eat that up. I think my Mom would say “what a nice guy, but kind of nerdy” and my bro would say “what a douche.”

The Dramatic Last Hour


  • The Scene: Jake is in his hotel room, gazing out the window.

  • The Cleverly Inserted Voiceover: Jake ponders who he will eliminate at tonight’s rose ceremony (which is sure to be the most dramatic ever), all while happily chatting with himself about the four amazing women he has remaining.

  • The Knock: Enter a very sad-faced looking Ali.

  • The Conundrum: Ali must choose between her job and staying with Jake. (Hmm, this sounds strangely familiar and not the most dramatic at all. Remember one season ago when Ed left because of his job? Do these producers think the people who watch The Bach don’t also watch The Bachelorette?)

  • The Scandal: Whilst (sorry, I’ve been watching way too many epi’s of The Tudors and have been kicking it old school with words like whilst and betrothed). Anyway, WHILST talking with Jake, Ali…PUTS.HER.LEGS.ON.JAKE’S.LAP. NOOOOOOOO! Hide your eyes, Gia. For the love, HIDE YOUR EYES!

  • The Result: A very confused Ali leaves the room with no answers and is so distraught that she must collapse in the middle of the hotel hall and cry.

  • The Text: My Mom texts me during this time with these exact words: “Stupid Ali. Ur on The Bach, don’t you think someone will hire u?” True that, Motha. Side Note: Apparently, Ali works for Facebook. You'd think The Bach would be right up FB's alley/Ali, haha. Sorry.

  • The Dramatic Stroll: Jake and Chris Harrison walk to the infamous room filled with the framed photos. Jake thinks he has found love, but it’s not his decision tonight. One of the women will choose if they want to leave this incredible journey to go back to the real world and leave the pilot (er, Flight Instructor) lacking wings…wings of love.

  • The Decision: Ali, again very sad-faced, enters the photo room crying like she is sitting in the hotel hallway or something. After going back and forth, she finally reaches a decision. She will return to work…(someone pointed out to me and I was thinking the same thing…fun to work with her that next Monday.)

  • The Result: Ali gets in a limo and yells “What am I doing? Why am I leaving him?” Why do I have a funny feeling that you’ll pull another Ed and show up in Puerto Rico or whatever tropic region the other 4 are heading to next week? The previews show us that you call Jakers. Are the producers trying to pull one over on us? Uhm, I’m guessing yes.

  • The Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony Ever: Not dramatic at all. No crying, no questioning, nothing. WTF.

Please fill me in on what I missed with the first 3 hometown dates.


Monday, February 1, 2010

The 100th Dizzle Post...this one's about The Bach

My 100th post, and how fitting…a session of Bitchy Bachelor Bullet Points.

This epi was pretty, pretty, pretty boring (in my best Larry David voice.) I will still talk about it of course.

The ladies and their pilot (flight instructing) prince are in San Fran – home of my friend, Jen. I’m glad she was not a part of this.

Tenley’s Date:

Jake – what the H is that turtleneck you are wearing? No.
  • “Tenley, I have a table for two set up on the roof.” Hey Jake, no you don’t. The writers or producers or someone that is not you set it up.
  • When asked by Jake what she would have changed in her marriage, Tenley answers that she would have jumped off the couch or run out of the kitchen to greet her ex-hubs. If that is all she did wrong, dude is a total a-hole (which he obviously was.) I would have so many more things to list than that…and I don’t even have an ex-husband.
  • Tenley then asks about the old “pilots are unfaithful” rumor. Jake says that the woman he marries will be the last one he looks at. Oh, that’s right…he’s not a pilot, he’s a flight instructor.
  • Jake wraps up the date with a super-iffy comment…"The kisses were magical.” Please don’t say that ever again. You’re not at Disney World.
  • The producers wrap up the date in the most awesome away possible... another super cool instrumental remix of OTWOL with lots of xylophone. Yeah, haven’t heard that word in a minute have ya?

  • Gia and Vienna's 2-on-1 Date:

    Gia and Vienna learn that they will be going on the 2-on-1 date and a chest full of clothes shows up at the door. Tisdale says that “it was really sweet of him, it meant a lot.” Guess what…HE DIDN’T DO IT!
  • Jake is exactly the kind of guy I’ve been waiting to take home to my parents.” – Tisdale. Your parents like flight instructors, huh?
  • The girls show up to this 12th Century castle, and Jake is standing at the top of the stairs with the “Huh, how badass am I?” look. He even says “What do you think?” Again…IT’S.NOT.YOUR.CASTLE. Last time I checked, you weren’t faux flying 8 or 9 centuries ago…but what do I know? Maybe you’re a vamp. No, definitely not.
  • Before Gia and Jake began their gratuitous makeout session, Gia expressed how upset she was when one of the girls said that Jake let her put her legs on his lap. "I thought that was our thing. That really hurt me." Lame.
  • Most hilarious moment of the show: Tisdale scouring the castle with her lantern. Alas, she finally found Jake...and put her legs on his lap. EEK!
  • The date ends with Tisdale sneaking down to get in bed with Jake. He turned her away and that was that.
  • Corrie's Date:

    BORING (and way too awkward to discuss), next. (I must admit, that I like that she is saving living with a bf and other things until marriage.)

    Ali's Date:
    • Ali has become a serious villain to me. When she was yelling at Tisdale saying "How do you know I was acting like that at the last rose ceremony because of you?" Uhh, because you obviously were! She doesn't like Tisdale because she was talking about the other girls. Isn't that what you're all doing? Aren't you contestants on a reality dating show?
    • When Ali and Jake walked by that seagull with the crab...I would have freaked. I wouldn't have been able to concentrate on anything else. I know it's the circle of life, but poor crab.
    • Ali and Jake did have a cute little date...but she was at a serious advantage. She lives in San Fran (or SF, as Jake apparently calls it.)
    • Not a fan of the park scene. She was straddling him in a public place and eew with the tongues. Yuck!
    • They ran into the water and the only thing I could think was "why ruin those cute boots?" and "DID YOU SEE THAT AWESOME DOG?"
    • Before the rose ceremony, Tenley complains that when Jake says he's falling for all the girls, it breaks her heart. Sensitive and insecure as ever, Ali says "When I hear him say that, I think he's just talking to me." Really nice.

    A few other random notes:

    • Jake is obsessed with touching all of the jewelry the girls are wearing. Weird.
    • Another comical production direction is the "Now, take each photo and stare intently while we waste time with a thoughtful voice over."
    • Corrie got booted...shocker. They didn't like each other. She thinks it would have been different if he wasn't dating 4 other women. Yep, I think that's a given. I really like her pretty hair.
    • Finally...HOMETOWN Dates next week. Love the Hometown Dates so much I'm capitalizing them like they are proper nouns. They are equivalent to the makeover episode on Top Model for me. Exciting.

    Love y'alllllll.


    P.S. HOW AM I SO BEHIND ON THIS? Check out Corrie's official blog here: http://ohsodandy.com/blog/