Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Homey Hometownnns

Ok friends, so this Hometown recap is going to totally suck. My electricity went off and the cable box took forever to reset. I saw about 5 minutes of Gia’s Date, completely missed Tenley and most of Ali’s, and saw all of the Tisdale clan through the end of the show. Let’s get this shiz goin’.

Gia’s Hometown (the 5 minutes I saw):

  • Family is very, very New York (shocker, since that’s where they live)...and do I really know what very New York is? No, I am from Southeastern Ohio. Ignore this bulletpoint.
  • They seemed nice and protective.
  • I still am thinking that she is a little too, I don’t know, hot for him? Not that he isn’t a cute guy, but it seems like maybe he’s not her type.

Tenley’s Hometown – I got nothin’.

Ali’s Hometown:

  • I literally only saw 2 minutes of Ali’s hometown.
  • I say this every Bach season, but nothing irks me quite like the run and jump when they see each other for the first time in a few days. UH-NOOOY-ING.
  • I didn’t even get to see Ali’s family. I just know that I felt bad for her since that was the first time she’d been home since her Grandmother’s funeral, and her house reminded me of the house in Marley and Me (but let’s not talk about Marley and Me. Tears.) She also said the word "foiliage."

Tisdale’s Hometown:

  • Another run and jump. Stop it.
  • I didn’t know that Tisdale was from Florida, but her family totally fits in there (again, just talking about stuff I have no idea about).
  • You can tell that she is totally spoiled by her Dad…but not overly-rich spoiled. Like, maybe her Dad spent every dime he ever had to give her what she wanted? I’m not trying to sound like a b here…and who knows how the Bach spin changes things, but that’s just the way it looked to me.
  • Everyone's family is going to trust Jake because he is total cheese and some parents eat that up. I think my Mom would say “what a nice guy, but kind of nerdy” and my bro would say “what a douche.”

The Dramatic Last Hour


  • The Scene: Jake is in his hotel room, gazing out the window.

  • The Cleverly Inserted Voiceover: Jake ponders who he will eliminate at tonight’s rose ceremony (which is sure to be the most dramatic ever), all while happily chatting with himself about the four amazing women he has remaining.

  • The Knock: Enter a very sad-faced looking Ali.

  • The Conundrum: Ali must choose between her job and staying with Jake. (Hmm, this sounds strangely familiar and not the most dramatic at all. Remember one season ago when Ed left because of his job? Do these producers think the people who watch The Bach don’t also watch The Bachelorette?)

  • The Scandal: Whilst (sorry, I’ve been watching way too many epi’s of The Tudors and have been kicking it old school with words like whilst and betrothed). Anyway, WHILST talking with Jake, Ali…PUTS.HER.LEGS.ON.JAKE’S.LAP. NOOOOOOOO! Hide your eyes, Gia. For the love, HIDE YOUR EYES!

  • The Result: A very confused Ali leaves the room with no answers and is so distraught that she must collapse in the middle of the hotel hall and cry.

  • The Text: My Mom texts me during this time with these exact words: “Stupid Ali. Ur on The Bach, don’t you think someone will hire u?” True that, Motha. Side Note: Apparently, Ali works for Facebook. You'd think The Bach would be right up FB's alley/Ali, haha. Sorry.

  • The Dramatic Stroll: Jake and Chris Harrison walk to the infamous room filled with the framed photos. Jake thinks he has found love, but it’s not his decision tonight. One of the women will choose if they want to leave this incredible journey to go back to the real world and leave the pilot (er, Flight Instructor) lacking wings…wings of love.

  • The Decision: Ali, again very sad-faced, enters the photo room crying like she is sitting in the hotel hallway or something. After going back and forth, she finally reaches a decision. She will return to work…(someone pointed out to me and I was thinking the same thing…fun to work with her that next Monday.)

  • The Result: Ali gets in a limo and yells “What am I doing? Why am I leaving him?” Why do I have a funny feeling that you’ll pull another Ed and show up in Puerto Rico or whatever tropic region the other 4 are heading to next week? The previews show us that you call Jakers. Are the producers trying to pull one over on us? Uhm, I’m guessing yes.

  • The Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony Ever: Not dramatic at all. No crying, no questioning, nothing. WTF.

Please fill me in on what I missed with the first 3 hometown dates.



Mi Vida Bonita said...

Ok I was waiting for your wrap up because I missed the first 1.5 hours! My stupid dvr didnt record, {I beleive it was actually my fault} So I just saw the last 30 mins. I was hoping to see what the families were like. O'well.

Umm and yes Ali springs a call on JAke while he is in St. Lucia {tropical paradise} with his last 3 woman...what do you think? A return? I can't believe she works for FB...I figured it must be something great! I would think they would allow her to stay...well guess not!

Stacy said...

Haha your wrap-up is hilarious. I was thinking that Tisdale's family is WHITE TRASH, and same as you - that he probably spent every dime he had so that she could appear "rich" and spoiled to her peers. Tenley needs to lay off the Xanax; that bitch is wayyy too happy. I agree with you on Gia - I think SHE is too good for HIM. And as for Ali...come on, Facebook? There's no way they gave her an ultimatum when she was on The Bachelor! I don't buy it.

Stephanie said...

You missed Jake wearing the most unfortunate beaded man choker in the first hour, gag-a-licious!

misss_e said...

O M G. This was a mess. First of all...Ali is lame. She KNEW she was going on The Bachelor and would be there for awhile. I mean what was she planning on losing and being back to work after 2 weeks. I hate how they all say..."I didnt know I would fall in love with you." Gag. What did you think was supposed to be happening? Lame.

Tisdale. Hate her guts. I hate fake folks. I was thinking we would see her family and they would be all rich and what not. I was sooo surprised. Then again...I wasnt.

I dont care about crazy Gia or the other one.

This show is fake as ever...I dont even know why I keep watching it. See ya next week for the wrap up! ha!