Monday, February 1, 2010

The 100th Dizzle Post...this one's about The Bach

My 100th post, and how fitting…a session of Bitchy Bachelor Bullet Points.

This epi was pretty, pretty, pretty boring (in my best Larry David voice.) I will still talk about it of course.

The ladies and their pilot (flight instructing) prince are in San Fran – home of my friend, Jen. I’m glad she was not a part of this.

Tenley’s Date:

Jake – what the H is that turtleneck you are wearing? No.
  • “Tenley, I have a table for two set up on the roof.” Hey Jake, no you don’t. The writers or producers or someone that is not you set it up.
  • When asked by Jake what she would have changed in her marriage, Tenley answers that she would have jumped off the couch or run out of the kitchen to greet her ex-hubs. If that is all she did wrong, dude is a total a-hole (which he obviously was.) I would have so many more things to list than that…and I don’t even have an ex-husband.
  • Tenley then asks about the old “pilots are unfaithful” rumor. Jake says that the woman he marries will be the last one he looks at. Oh, that’s right…he’s not a pilot, he’s a flight instructor.
  • Jake wraps up the date with a super-iffy comment…"The kisses were magical.” Please don’t say that ever again. You’re not at Disney World.
  • The producers wrap up the date in the most awesome away possible... another super cool instrumental remix of OTWOL with lots of xylophone. Yeah, haven’t heard that word in a minute have ya?

  • Gia and Vienna's 2-on-1 Date:

    Gia and Vienna learn that they will be going on the 2-on-1 date and a chest full of clothes shows up at the door. Tisdale says that “it was really sweet of him, it meant a lot.” Guess what…HE DIDN’T DO IT!
  • Jake is exactly the kind of guy I’ve been waiting to take home to my parents.” – Tisdale. Your parents like flight instructors, huh?
  • The girls show up to this 12th Century castle, and Jake is standing at the top of the stairs with the “Huh, how badass am I?” look. He even says “What do you think?” Again…IT’S.NOT.YOUR.CASTLE. Last time I checked, you weren’t faux flying 8 or 9 centuries ago…but what do I know? Maybe you’re a vamp. No, definitely not.
  • Before Gia and Jake began their gratuitous makeout session, Gia expressed how upset she was when one of the girls said that Jake let her put her legs on his lap. "I thought that was our thing. That really hurt me." Lame.
  • Most hilarious moment of the show: Tisdale scouring the castle with her lantern. Alas, she finally found Jake...and put her legs on his lap. EEK!
  • The date ends with Tisdale sneaking down to get in bed with Jake. He turned her away and that was that.
  • Corrie's Date:

    BORING (and way too awkward to discuss), next. (I must admit, that I like that she is saving living with a bf and other things until marriage.)

    Ali's Date:
    • Ali has become a serious villain to me. When she was yelling at Tisdale saying "How do you know I was acting like that at the last rose ceremony because of you?" Uhh, because you obviously were! She doesn't like Tisdale because she was talking about the other girls. Isn't that what you're all doing? Aren't you contestants on a reality dating show?
    • When Ali and Jake walked by that seagull with the crab...I would have freaked. I wouldn't have been able to concentrate on anything else. I know it's the circle of life, but poor crab.
    • Ali and Jake did have a cute little date...but she was at a serious advantage. She lives in San Fran (or SF, as Jake apparently calls it.)
    • Not a fan of the park scene. She was straddling him in a public place and eew with the tongues. Yuck!
    • They ran into the water and the only thing I could think was "why ruin those cute boots?" and "DID YOU SEE THAT AWESOME DOG?"
    • Before the rose ceremony, Tenley complains that when Jake says he's falling for all the girls, it breaks her heart. Sensitive and insecure as ever, Ali says "When I hear him say that, I think he's just talking to me." Really nice.

    A few other random notes:

    • Jake is obsessed with touching all of the jewelry the girls are wearing. Weird.
    • Another comical production direction is the "Now, take each photo and stare intently while we waste time with a thoughtful voice over."
    • Corrie got booted...shocker. They didn't like each other. She thinks it would have been different if he wasn't dating 4 other women. Yep, I think that's a given. I really like her pretty hair.
    • Finally...HOMETOWN Dates next week. Love the Hometown Dates so much I'm capitalizing them like they are proper nouns. They are equivalent to the makeover episode on Top Model for me. Exciting.

    Love y'alllllll.


    P.S. HOW AM I SO BEHIND ON THIS? Check out Corrie's official blog here:


    Mi Vida Bonita said...

    You are quick! :) I just finished up watching..yeah I kinda figured Corrie would be the one to go. It was totally awkward in the boat, I felt it just watching...I was thinking little mermaid scene..."sha la la la kiss the girl!" lol

    Next week is going to be GOOD! It could be anyone depending how it goes. Did you get the impression from the previews a woman breaks his heart? Maybe one vows to leave on her own??...or just trickery...of course I will watch again ABC.

    Amber said...

    OMG THE POOR CRAB!!! I felt so bad for the darn thing and he's all, "Oh boy he really got a big one!" And the boots! But then I figured the producers probably just gave her another pair. Anything to get the cheesy scene in! I am so over this show yet I continue to watch because there's nothing else on Monday nights. I disgust myself.

    Geez Louise♥ said...

    I seriously thought I was the only girl in the world who thought about the cute boots or the pretty dog running by them. I am so glad I am now not the only one...haha. Tenely is by far my fav. I think Ali has become fake. She needs to back up her smack talk about Tisdale to her face. Tisdale running through the castle like a little scared 2 year old was halarious...I mean, its not like there wasn't A BODY of CAMERA CREW right behind you. I am not commenting on the crab moment. The park moment, I think I vomed in my mouth. Get a room. I am excited about HOMETOWN dates...only because I can't wait for him to send Tis home. Daddy is so going to blow her cover. What do you think???

    misss_e said...

    You are hilarious.

    The kisses were magical was only one of the many dumb little catch phrases dude is always saying that make me sick.

    Gia is so lame. She is like nails to a chalk board. I can't stand women who play the insecure card. Its so unattractive. But Vienna getting played and sent back to her room was priceless. I was screaming at the television "Boooyah!" My husband was like..."I want a divorce." Haahaa!

    Corrie was going home after she shared her secret...I mean this is the bachelor...he doesn't do virgins. Unless he is planning on getting married. In which case these guys are all talk! Which means he needs women who are putting out. He did look like The King of all Douche's sending her home right away though. She lost on the boat. See I wouldve closed the deal on the cream...spoon...guy...I wouldve been feeding him and pouring it on.

    Ali running in the water. Whhhuuh! I was thinking..."Where they do that at? Id have been sent and my cute boots!"

    Its been fun! Cant wait to see what goes down next week when no roses are given out!